being frank

The first time I watched Blade Runner with CeCe years ago, I happened to catch how she became emotional during the scene towards the end of the film where Roy Batty confronts Rick Deckhard and chooses to save the blade runner’s life as Roy’s shortened lifespan as a replicant faded away:

“I’ve seen things you people wouldn’t believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhäuser Gate. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain. Time to die.” – Roy Batty (as played by Rutger Hauer)

When we watched the film again a few years later, she had the same reaction, so I asked her about it. She told me that it reminded her of all the amazing memories she had gathered over the years, especially those with her father when she traveled with him on his academic sabbaticals throughout Europe and the Middle East. She had visited some amazing places, and her dad would always regale her with stories and historical facts about the various heritage sites or museums they visited. That scene from the movie reminded CeCe of the impermanence of memories. That they’re only as indelible as our lives are long, and as enduring as the people with whom we share them.

From that moment on, I asked her to share those memories whenever the occasion felt right. It became a spontaneous activity for us that would surface whenever a random action or sensory experience triggered a deeply held memory in our minds. Yet it wasn’t until she passed away that I realized how those memories had become something more.

It was then that I began to discover the depth of emotion each of her memories carried. The act of listening over the years had instilled in me the fundamental essence of each experience. I had become their keeper. And as I envisioned the places she visited or recalled the stories her father once told her, I began to understand why they struck such a chord in CeCe’s heart.

They had grown within her to become the building blocks to a large part of her life; to her passions, her creative sensitivities and her deep wisdom and understanding of the world. It was a bond I had neither contemplated nor expected, yet they became a singular extension of who she was as a person. Those memories had become a foundational component of the woman for whom I had fallen so deeply in love.

 

A Treasure Chest of Moments

Life is an extremely rare and precious gift, yet some may consider that statement to be somewhat naïve or overly romanticized. I get that. But when you consider the chances of meeting someone whose social, psychological, educational, spiritual, creative and observational perspectives align so closely to yours that you both become mirror images of one other is beyond being a statistical anomaly; it becomes somewhat of a miracle.

As we go through life, there is much to consider that occurs within this plane of existence we refer to as our everyday living. There’s the matter of energy and how it’s that ethereal fuel that runs everything within us. But in the context of this article, I wanted to address a very simple and elemental part of that. The manner in which we gather memories and how they influence who we are, how we love, and what transpires once we’re gone. In other words, the nature of our human connectivity.

 

Love By Any Other Name

All of us wish to leave a mark on this world. Whether it’s through our actions, achievements, connections, talents, and even through unsavory events or personal acts of kindness. Yet the most subtle and enduring way we do this is through an enduring act of love. And even though the genesis of a memory isn’t bound by the presence of love, it certainly is heightened and given a lengthy existence even through the various chemical components within our brain.

But talking about how love functions by describing aspects of biochemistry is like addressing the emotions of a first kiss by describing the viscosity of saliva as you pucker up.

Every memory we create becomes a part of us. And it’s who or what was involved in the formation of a remembrance or impression that credits it with its importance and longevity. Once the catalyst for that memory has passed, many of those memories will indeed disappear in time, save for that amazing miracle of human connection.

 

Final Thoughts

The reality of life is that we all will vanish quickly from this world once we pass away; some may vanish long before their body gives up its ghost. Yet despite the finality of death, our memories continue on through the connections we establish, the stories we pass on, the mementos we leave behind, and the legacy we establish through love.

When CeCe spoke about her memories concerning Rembrandt’s art or the human struggles that shaped the temples of Karnak, they were woven with the nuanced stories of key details from the Dutch master, or of her adventures sailing down the Nile near Luxor. These memories and experiences helped her to understand the world from unique perspectives because of the manner in which she saw it. They also were helped through the love and admiration she had for her father, and likewise for the love he had for the places, works of art and objects they explored together.

In CeCe’s experience, it was the beautiful stories and adventures her father shared that breathed life into the places she discovered in her journeys. Years after he was gone, CeCe shared those memories with me through the lens of her imagination. And now in this simple article, I get to open up your mind’s eye through the voyages of discovery and love that began with CeCe’s father long ago. As the substance of those memories enters your mind, they swirl around the experiences you’ve had throughout your life. They open up the portals of your imagination and allow memories to breathe free, once more. And in that moment, CeCe’s voyages get to travel a bit farther through the auspices of that wondrous diversity of human kinship.

We are living in disposable times. Money has replaced humaneness, power has disrupted or distorted our sense of empathy, and the value of material goods far outweighs the principles of our compassion. Yet it’s the priceless legacy of our memories and the experiences woven around them that help shape the world. This is how we all put together our vision of the world we inhabit. It’s when we choose to share our stories, memories and perceptions of it filtered through our personal lens that we’re able to cheat death by implanting the essence of those stories into the lives of the people we meet and create new memories in the hearts of the people we love.