“Never be sad for a flame that gets extinguished. Rather, rejoice in the brightness from all the candles it lit along the way.”
I wrote that thought many years ago after a dear friend of mine passed away unexpectedly. He was a gregarious soul with a broad smile and an infectious laugh that would lighten the mood of any room he entered.
One day when I happened to give him a ride (his car was in the shop), we had an opportunity to chat. We spoke about life and family, and he made a passing reference to his kids as his angels (he had five), and how each of them was like a candle. When I asked how children were like candles, he said it was because when each one was born, he along with his family lit them with the light of love they had for them in their hearts. So long as they are loved, their flame would burn bright and in turn, their light would bring joy to those around them. He went on to explain:
“It’s like you and me. Whenever we see each other, we smile and hug ‘cause we’re friends. We’re sharing a light that’s been lit by everyone we know who loves us. Like right now; I’m sharing the light from my kids, and you’re sharing the light from the people who love you. That’s why we smile when we see each other; you can’t help it when you’re feeling all that love!”
So as I sat in the church on the day of his memorial, that thought instantly came to mind. It felt less like a testimonial and more like a reminder from him – complete with that big smile of his. Over 33 years later, that light hasn’t diminished one bit.
I bring up this story because tomorrow is Valentine’s Day. And beyond the marketing and over-saccharined hype that is slathered on this milestone we pander to each February, I wanted to address the love we celebrate. More to the point, the light we acknowledge in our lives.
I was blessed beyond words to be loved by my darling CeCe. Her love was as palpable as a cool rain on a summer’s day and twice as exhilarating. But her love wasn’t just hers; she carried the love of her family and friends and even the love of the four-legged companions she adored. She carried her love of the arts, of language, of nature, of philosophy and even her inexhaustible curiosity for life itself. It was a love that transcended space and time, and it affected all with whom she came into contact. I always smiled whenever she was around children or animals, for they all were so receptive to her; they could sense the brightness of the light she possessed.
And that’s just it – we all have the ability to sense that light in one another. Many have that sensitivity dulled as they grow up. Some because of the manner in which they were raised, others because of the reactive and aggressive nature of entertainment that both children and adults alike consume for hours at a time. Some can escape such influences because of the light they intrinsically carry; others, cannot. But the beauty of love lies in its ability to rekindle a flame in our hearts. Candles that lose their flame aren’t damaged or lost; they just need to be close to a source of light to be reignited. The stronger the light, the greater the love.
On this Valentine’s Day, I plan to celebrate not just the love that my beloved CeCe lit in my heart. I plan to celebrate all the candles she lit along her journey through life. Whether they know it or not, those people and animals whom she touched carry a piece of her light with them, and that will always bring a measure of peace to my life.
So take a moment to hug you spouse or that special someone. Hug your kids, your parents; hug your relatives, friends and acquaintances, and definitely hug your pets. For that warmth you feel each time you embrace them comes from the love you instinctually have for one another. It emanates from the very candle you had a hand in lighting the first time these souls came into your life.
And as you relish their company and their love, remember to rejoice in all the candles you can still light along the way. Valentines are a perfect way to practice your ability to vanquish the darkness that often seeks to make its way into our hearts.
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