Today is the 3rd anniversary of my sister’s passing. As most people who observe such milestones, it is steeped in love and remembrance. The other thing it’s imbued with is disbelief. Three years is nothing; a momentary blip in a life that was filled with such joy, laughter, adventure, and love, that it’s inconceivable her life force is no longer among us.
That is, in a physical sense.
For the very definition of a life force is the energy that animates all living creatures. A soul. From a scientific perspective, energy is known to be eternal – eternal in a way that would make sense to our mind’s limited ability to comprehend the nature of a timeframe that far outlives the span of our very universe.
Although Ginger came into my life at a very early age, the truth is that I came into hers. She was thirteen when I came into this world; a baby brother who seemed destined to be an annoyance to a young, teenage girl. And although I would take on that mantle of the insufferable kid brother, in time, we would become inseparable.
At the time, Ginger didn’t know this, but she was destined to be a maternal influence for the vast majority of her life. After our father died when I was three, Ginger found herself having to watch over me while our mother did her best to care for us. Oh, there are plenty of funny stories related to her inventive ways of caring for me as a baby. But it was after I turned six, where her maternal instincts got the best of her.
During the years that followed, my sister became my confidant, my guide, my teacher, my transportation, my protector, and my portal into the world of grown-ups by being the hapless mascot to her friends. I still recall the adventures we shared: Beach parties at night sitting by a huge bonfire with her friends, cooking hot dogs and roasting marshmallows; going to see my very first live musical; learning how to drive a dune buggy when I was ten. How she kept all of this from our mom was part and parcel of my sister’s superpower: Her cute, daring and adorable nature was undeniable and unquestionable.
As she got older, her life began to expand and greater adventures beckoned. And although I would share in only a few more escapades (like learning how to surf and scuba dive), Ginger would always find a way to include me in her life. Once, after she was hired to be a disc jockey for a popular local radio station, she brought me along one day to interview me on-air. I was thrilled. Now, if you’re old enough to remember the television show, Kids Say the Darnedest Things with Art Linkletter, then you’ll understand that my interview was nothing more than an act. Ginger knew that my propensity for hamming it up was broadcasting gold. For me, I began to learn about a world that would eventually capture my fascination for songwriting.
In time, my sister left to see the world. As a PanAm stewardess in the 1960s, Ginger got herself assigned to the international routes. She traveled to Italy, Spain, France, Great Britain, Portugal, Germany, and many other exotic destinations; exotic from the standpoint of a wide-eyed little kid. She would send me gifts and postcards from around the world. I even picked up the hobby of philately just so I could collect and save the odd stamps that came from all those faraway places. Ginger then had a stint as an advertising consultant, coming up with inventive slogans and campaigns that appeared in local television stations and newspapers in Miami. She would become the first woman in the State of Nevada to earn her skydiving silver wings by completing 25 consecutive jumps. She was even chosen for the Miss Universe contest in the early 60s while living in San Juan, becoming the first runner-up in the Miss Puerto Rico contest.
At every point in her amazing life, Ginger would find a way to share these seminal moments with me. In time, all of her experiences became part of the greatest virtual classroom – ever. The insights I was exposed to and the experiences we shared were instrumental in shaping my appreciation of the world. Through Ginger, I learned that there were no boundaries in life, only those we impose upon ourselves due to fear, distrust, or insecurity. I came to understand that people everywhere were all the same; ordinary individuals looking to find happiness, love, and extraordinary adventures that were not bound to their race, nationality, religion, or gender, but rather to their humanity. I learned how creativity and communication were the keys to success; that all you needed to achieve a happy and fulfilling life was to learn a way to communicate, elucidate, and engage with people through a sense of unbridled adventure wrapped in a fearless passion for learning and love.
When I decided to leave home to enter a seminary to study for the priesthood, Ginger was always there to guide and counsel me. During my second year at school, she showed up to attend the annual Homecoming Dance. For a few brief weeks afterwards, I was the most popular kid in school. You would have been too if your sister was an honest-to-gosh beauty queen. I found out years later, that she attended the dance because she had heard about my stories of being picked on by some of the older kids at school. She surreptitiously wanted to let them know that there was more to me that they imagined.
But Ginger’s greatest adventure didn’t happen until she became a mother. As with everything else in life, Ginger never allowed social conventions or circumstances to dictate her life. Because of this, she would experience the pain of deception and the agony of loss, yet it never diminished her outlook on life. She always chose a path that would be best for herself and those whom she loved. In the end, it rewarded her with a wonderful marriage, a daughter whom she loved dearly and could not have been more proud of, and a chance at love and redemption that created indelible connections that continue even today, years after she’s been gone.
So, yes – it’s been three years since she passed away; a mere twenty months before I lost my beloved. Yet the foundation of love that Ginger established all those years ago with her bratty brother became the bedrock of my life. A foundation that gave me and so many others the strength, wisdom, and introspection to live a good life – a purposeful life.
Never be sad for a flame that gets extinguished. Rather, rejoice in the light from all the candles it lit along the way.
Godspeed, kiddo; catch you next year.
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