Thanksgiving is right around the corner, and most people are busy preparing the largest meal of the year that will assuredly put most everyone in a happy tryptophan coma. But of the top three food-ingesting holidays (Thanksgiving, Super Bowl Sunday, and Christmas – and yes, that’s the supposed correct ranking), Thanksgiving is imbued with an added feature: The act of giving thanks – it’s right there in the name. And we do give thanks; we do so in incredible amounts and by all manner of symbolism, event, tradition, and method. But what do we do with all the thanks? Where does all that appreciation go?
The benevolence of thanks is – or at least, should be – embedded in what we wish to convey to the recipient. That we appreciate everything they’ve done for, to, or on behalf of someone. It’s a sign of gratitude and respect. All of these attributes are conferred, not because they were owed, but because they were earned. Think of thanks as a type of emotional gratuity. Someone does something beyond the ordinary or decides to act with graciousness instead of arrogance; a person cedes something of intrinsic or personal worth (irrespective of material value), or simply chooses to make someone’s life a bit easier, kinder, or more pleasurable just for a moment. Giving thanks is a way to tip someone in acknowledgement of these gifts of selflessness. That the offerings someone conveyed to us are a greater and more valued act than being right, stronger, wealthier, or better. So with all that emotional cheddar in your pocket, what do you do?
You reinvest it. You share your personal gratitude for the kindness others conveyed to you. And keep in mind, it’s not about owing them something; it’s about acknowledging the merits of their actions.
But I’m always thanking people; at work, at home, my friends – they all know how grateful I am! I imagine that the three of you who read this blog were probably thinking something along that line.
I get it; I have no doubt that you always make it a point to try and thank those whom you know and love. But I’m talking about thanking those myriad people you come into contact with each day who might have done something nice or kind for you; people you’ve probably never even formally met. How often do you thank them? And I’m not referring to the casual thanks we throw out when someone hands you a receipt, holds the door open for you, or drops a report on your desk at work. Those are perfunctory thanks; autonomic responses to an action or event that relies more on societal norms than gratefulness of heart. Those kinds of thanks are rarely accompanied by eye contact or any contact, for that matter. They carry about the same emotional heft as patting a cat on the head as you walk by. I think we can all do better than that.
So here’s my wish for the coming Day of Thanks: The next time you’re in a crowded check-out line, thank the cashier for being so cheerful despite the ugliness that invariably surfaces in some people this time of year. If you’re at a store while they’re putting up holiday decorations, thank them for helping to spread the warmth of the season. If you’re on a late flight to go visit relatives, be sure to thank the flight attendants; let them know that you admire how they helped you and others relax and feel at ease while they stood for long hours or passed out snacks and drinks with a smile. The point of giving thanks is to express your appreciation for the little things that people do. Because it’s the little things that often provide the greatest measure of love and happiness.
We will assuredly be thanking each other a lot over the course of this holiday season. But by adding a simple, personal acknowledgement, you will not only be giving thanks, but you’ll make the recipient feel thankful for having made a random yet meaningful connection in the vastness of this impersonal world.
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