being frank

So many of us have tussled with the concepts of action and reaction or cause and effect. We teach our children to be mindful of the consequences of their actions, hoping to instill in them a sense of responsibility, civic duty or foundational morality. These are at the core of who we need to be as social animals. In order to coexist with a multitude of people from varying backgrounds, religions, ethnicities and so on, we need to understand one basic and immutable principle: We must give in order to receive.

But giving hasn’t exactly been our thing these days. I’m not alluding to food drives, volunteerism, marching for a cause, etc. I would venture to say that most of us have participated in such events to support a cause or help someone or a group of people in need. We are wired to care. What has changed is why we care and for whom. In some instances, the recipient of our charity can be found just by looking in a mirror.

There have been all manner of phrases written to describe the prevailing social compass for each passing decade. Mind you, these are usually generalized terms, yet they are in reference to the general culture of the time that focused on trends, economic shifts, counterculture or the effects (or fall out) from post-war attitudes. Some monikers (such as Tom Wolfe’s reference to the 1970s as the Me Decade) took a slant that was influenced by the prevailing sociopolitical winds (e.g., the 1990s referenced as the Post-Cold War Decade.) If you go back further, you would be looking at the effects of excess, disease, natural calamities, financial upheavals and wars that greatly influenced the societal attitudes of the time. But what about the effects on us as individuals? How and why have we changed the way we give?

As with past mental meanderings of mine, I don’t want this to sound like an educational commentary. If you are looking for something along that line, you may wish to use any Generative AI program and ask it to whip you up a 5,000-word essay on the matter. Curiosity satiated; knowledge gained. Yay, progress! It still begs the question on why we’ve changed; and the answer has to come from within. If you haven’t done so already, take a moment to read my scribbles entitled Giving a Shit. In that somewhat earthy piece, I touched a little upon the how’s and why’s; just a little. But the effects of our lack of giving – of caring – are something we are not paying close enough attention to.

Now, a quick disclaimer: If you are someone who has dedicated their life to science and the power of empirical data, please try to keep an open mind while I wallow in the subjective world. I have every confidence that one day you will discover the secrets to lessening the gap between subjective and objective reality when it comes to the spiritual side of the human heart.

Caring for someone or something other than yourself is not a pious precept nor is it locked into any given generation. Caring has been proven to be beneficial for your health, mental well-being, and it’s a wonderful way to start fixing the world. Going to a river’s edge and using your finger to alter its flow may be considered a fool’s errand, but it nonetheless does provide another avenue for change, albeit small. When we give of ourselves or provide something of need to others, we create ripples of positivity. When we take a moment to provide a sense of calm, hope, peace or merely to assuage a fear or hunger, we create ripples of positive change. There may not be any unicorns jumping out from a nearby bush every time we perform a caring act, nor will pixie dust fall from the sky. What will happen is that both you and the recipient will feel those ripples of change. A sense of completion or satisfaction will flow through you, harkening memories of a loved one’s hug, a cherished accomplishment, or just the memory of what a perfect day felt like. I could go into the biochemical underpinnings for such feelings, but that’s like describing the nature of a rainbow’s colors or moisture content to someone while looking at it, instead of just shutting up and bathing in the glory and wonder of the moment.

Life is about the good things that exist around and within us. Not everyone has them, but each of us has the power to give one good thing to another human being. A helping hand, a meal, a bit of advice; even a simple hug to a friend or a smile shared with a stranger on the street. These all create ripples of positive change. But some folks don’t acquiesce to that idea. Giving is somehow seen as a way to open yourself up to deplorable or opportunistic behavior; it’s putting yourself in the position to get hurt, abused or even taken advantage of. I’ll say it again: We humans are flawed creatures that need to work hard at recognizing, assessing and accepting what our hearts tell us; what your gut tells you to be true. Sometimes you’ll be right; other times, you’ll be wrong and pain, heartache or even a lost friendship or a job will be damaged in the process. These are called experiences; they are what we learn from and are also ripples that flow to those around you that create tiny yet nonetheless impactful changes in the dynamic of their lives.

I thought about turning this piece into a serialized event, but I won’t do that. Hell, I’m sorry I’ve held you here for so long through this discourse. But the main reason for sharing my scribbles in this blog has been to get you to think about a given subject or idea and then see how you view it from your vantage point. What do you see, what do you comprehend; what do you feel. All these actions creates ripples; ripples that will change you by expanding your consciousness with new knowledge or insights or smack you right between the eyes with the realization of something you’ve missed or let go. We have all been there. But Isolationism, siloed thinking or group thinking? These and other social identifiers act to impede our ability to care. They segregate us into pockets of perceived commonality. But what they’re doing is blocking our potential for caring; they obstruct the ripples of positive energy we all by nature, need to share. We cannot often see the effects of our actions, no more than we can, say, see ultraviolet light. But just because you cannot see a given wavelength of light doesn’t mean it’s not there or that it cannot provide benefit or harm. Caring for those around us, whether they be family, friends or perfect strangers, is the key to creating ripples of hope. And if we all choose one good thing to do that could have maximum effect on the world, it would be to create connections of hope and understanding with those whom we chance to meet. Giving that part of yourself is an act of caring, and the impetus for creating ripples that will help change the world for the better.