being frank

A week or so after my beloved passed away, I was told I needed to prepare myself for the firsts; those holidays or special occasions I would have to face without her for the first time. But the first thing that flashed through my mind when told this was a scenario that had become so commonplace between the two of us: I began to compose a short comedy sketch. It was simple, somewhat droll and short. My time had come to depart this Earth, and I’m whisked away to meet up with CeCe at the Pearly Gates. There she is; waiting for me with open arms and wearing that beautiful smile. I walk up to her and say: Next time, let’s plan these departure dates better. I mean, really – just before the holidays?

But that was us. Irreverent, funny, and unafraid to laugh at every aspect of the human condition. And at that moment, I needed a laugh to assuage the deep sadness that had overcome every fiber of my being. And of all the emotions that could (and would) surge through me, I knew she wouldn’t want me to be sad or despondent. But neither her caring wishes nor my impolite bits of protective humor would get me through the fire hose of firsts that flew by in the initial 5 months: Our respective birthdays, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years. Now Valentine’s Day arrives, honing in on the foundational component of our union and the very fuel that feeds the grief of loss.

So like all the other holiday firsts before it, I chose to write her a love note. This time around, I decided to post it on the blog. Why? Well, first and foremost, she has been and always shall be the inspiration for everything I have ever created, and this blog is one of them. Secondly, because I am proud, honored and humbled to have been her husband. Because I will forever be unabashedly and madly in love with her, and I want the whole world to know it. So in staying true to the corny, sentimentally sweet, and unrepentant child she loved so much, here is the Valentine I dedicate to my beloved on this very special day of firsts.

This occasion is testament of love that has its roots in every part of my being. For though the eyes may see the world in its entirety, the beauty of love is something that eyes alone cannot do justice. They require a heart to better understand its depth, a spirit to capture the miracle of a single embrace, and the innocence of an open mind to recognize every fragment of its wonderment. Throughout the years, your love has supplied the fruit of life’s endless treasures, and through you I received some of the most amazing gifts I could ever dare to imagine. You showed me that the greatest power we possess is the wonder that resides within us, and that to deny it is life’s greatest sin. You showed me the treasure to be found in patience, and how to recognize God’s greatest miracles within every aspect of nature. You regaled me with love and laughter every day of our lives through the simple act of being yourself. You helped me to rediscover that the beauty of music doesn’t lie in its notes but in how you’re willing to interpret its song with abandon. You opened my eyes so I could see art for the first time. To look beyond the paints, perspectives, or grandiosity to recognize the artist’s courage, passion, or madness in revealing the world as it was or as it should be beyond the follies of repressed minds or darkened hearts. You made me appreciate a world that I had often seen but seldom understood by teaching me to open my heart before engaging my mind. You reawakened in me the lust for life and the passion to live it; the courage to dream and the determination to make each a reality. You showed me who I really am and taught me how to love what I saw, warts and all. And even in the few days before you passed away, you reminded me that nothing ever dies; it merely transcends. That the greatest gift we had was the love we shared throughout the years, and how it will continue to provide strength and comfort through all the rest of my days. For love is energy, and energy is eternal. Happy Valentine’s Day, my angel; with love forevermore.

If you’re still reading this, please know you have my utmost thanks and admiration for sticking through till the end. As a small gift for your effort, I would like to leave you with this little nugget that CeCe and I always pondered around this time of year:

Valentine’s Day has been a commercial cash cow for some time now that gives businesses a vehicle to peddle more things we don’t need in the name of something whose very nature is ethereal. If you want to show true love to that special someone, try celebrating a romantic day on March 11th, or May 15th, or August 6th, or any day of your choosing. For the date is not important and neither are the flowers, candies, jewels or expensive dinners that are part and parcel of this fabricated day. True love can be expressed with a slow, heartfelt kiss, a gentle hug, or an opportunity to do something out of the blue for the one you love just to make their day a little brighter. Sometimes, a well-meaning phrase like here, let me take care of that in the middle of an afternoon does wonders. Nothing speaks of love more honestly than a joyful smile accompanied by an unsolicited act of kindness.

So stop reading this and go make the most of the day. Make it one that revolves, not around the person you love, but around the love you both share. This day is not about you, or her, or him; it’s about us. Have a wonderful and memorable Valentine’s Day.